So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
