do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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