you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Panties = found
Randomize
