I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am naked and annoyed.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
