Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
