Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
