tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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