Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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