Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
