I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
