i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
