As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
