alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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