no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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