Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
