Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize