Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
