Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
