loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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