Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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