i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
