Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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