haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
