if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
