Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
