At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
