I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
