Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
