did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
