My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
