before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
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You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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