the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
