Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
