I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize