you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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