I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
