one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
