I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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