I wanna passion pit in your ass
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
