oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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