Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
