I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
