Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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