Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
