all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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