Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?