Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No I am not eating basil off your cock
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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