i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sorry my hands just texted you
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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