Just fell off a train. Bad.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
