hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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