So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Two words: blizzard sex
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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