i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
