The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
