You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
