I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
