found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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