I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
