my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
