your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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