Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
