My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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