I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
