we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
