How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
