I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Where did you get a picture of my penis
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
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