they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
