From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
