I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Randomize
