Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
