I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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