Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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