do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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