Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
