Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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