I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
