Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
