I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
