put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
