Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize