i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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