big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
