i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
