so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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