This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
