On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
